These Words given by A Father Which Rescued Me when I became a New Parent

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good spot. You require support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to open up between men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - going on a few days away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor actions" when younger to change how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, confide in a family member, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."